marriage – deacon rudy's notes

First Reading: Proverbs 8:22-31
Psalm: Psalm 8:4-9 4
Second Reading: Romans 5:1-5
Gospel: John 16:12-15

Today we celebrate the solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity. What is the Trinity? Admittedly, this is one of the most difficult teachings in the Christian tradition. Too easily, we try to say that we believe in one God in three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But that misses the point, I think. You see, the entire creed that we recite in mass every Sunday describes our beliefs in terms of the doctrine of the Trinity.

We believe in one God, the Father who…and then we profess faith in the doctrines of creation and providence, and in the Son who…and we state our belief in the doctrines of the incarnation, redemption and resurrection, and in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of life, who…followed by the doctrines of Scripture, tradition, the church and eschatology. Indeed, as the theologian Michael Himes points out, our whole creed is a statement of belief in the Trinity. <1>

And what is the Trinity, then? In the First Letter of John, chapter four in verses eight and again in sixteen, we read that “God is love.” Now in the Greek, the word used is Agape. Agape is completely centered on the one loved. We often describe this, especially in the context of Christian marriage, as total self-gift. In fact, the First Letter of John claims that God is least wrongly thought of as a relationship of self-gift among persons.

When we hear in Matthew’s Gospel, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them,” (Matthew 18:20), that doesn’t mean that when we think about him, Jesus will be with them. What we mean is that in the context of agape, Jesus will be discovered in what happens whenever people come together in true mutual love.

But this particular love, agape, is so completely different from any other type of love, which is why we take such care in Christian marriage of establishing clear boundaries in our relationships to help protect the sacredness of Christian marriage – to prevent it being reduced in a way that can be easily dismissed.

You see, this love – this total self-gift is the Trinity itself. The Father totally gives Himself to the Son, no strings attached. The Son unconditionally receives this love and totally returns it to the Father, no strings attached. Through this constant action of total self-gift, total reception, total self-gift, total reception, the Holy Spirit emerges. That’s why in the Creed, we say the Holy Spirit, who proceeds from the Father and the Son.

Christian marriage, then, is a good way to describe Trinity. There is no personal relationship outside of marriage that should in any way be compared to marriage itself because there is no personal relationship outside of marriage that can be an example of total self-gift and total reception.

Christian marriage is one way that Trinitarian love is shared with the world around and enables people who experience that love to experience God in a real and personal way. Christian marriage is an example of total surrender to the will of the Father and participating in the act of total self-gift. Those who are touched by the Trinitarian love flowing from Christian marriages in turn can share that love with those around them – either through the specific service of vocations to the priesthood, diaconate and consecrated life, or through other acts of love and service for the people around us. And when we share that Trinitarian love we experience flowing from Christian marriages with others, because we are all image and likeness of God, we are in fact sharing love with the Lord.

Isn’t it interesting that in Matthews Gospel, we find the most extraordinary statement of love in the whole Christian tradition? In the Judgment of the Nations, (25:31-46), which I content describes the metrics for the judgment we will face, the criterion of judgment is not any sort of religious act. Rather, the one criterion is: Did you love your brothers and sisters? To love the least of our brothers and sisters is to love the Lord, whether we know it or not. This make sense doesn’t it? Afterall, God is love.

Homework:

When have you experienced God as love?
If God is love, what does Trinity have to do with love of neighbor?

Do you got it? Do you get it? Good! May Almighty God bless you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit! +Amen!

Notes
<1> Himes, Michael, The Mystery of Faith: An Introduction to Catholicism (Cincinnati, OH: St. Anthony Messenger Press, 2004), 119-124.

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Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time
Reading 1: Is 6:1-2A, 3-8
Psalm: Ps 138:1-5, 7-8
Reading 2: 1 Cor 15:1-11
Gospel: Luke 5:1-11

“I didn’t know what I was getting myself into!”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say this in pastoral counseling. Hola! I’m Deacon Rudy Villarreal and I want to reflect on our readings today from the context of relationships, especially with Valentine’s Day around the corner.

Before we get there, let’s review a few ideas. Who made us? God. Why did God make us? To show his goodness and love and to share with us everlasting happiness in heaven. What’s our purpose then? To know, love and serve God in this world. Another way of saying that is that we are called to be in right relation with God and His creation now and for all eternity. In other words, we want to get to heaven and we want to bring somebody with us, right? This is what discipleship is all about.

Over these past two Sundays, we’ve heard about God’s call and our response. Many people are called into a relationship with someone else that either leads to marriage or maybe that they’d hope will lead to marriage. And that relationship journey can be very exciting, right? I just love when a young couple comes up to me and says, “Deacon Rudy, we want to get married because we’re in love.” I don’t mean to poke fun. It’s beautiful, right?

So, you get married and you try to be supportive of each other. For example, we might encourage our partner to get an advanced degree or maybe some other professional credential. Maybe we encourage them because they love what they’re doing or maybe it’s because it will help their career and thus help the family. Either way, part of our role in a relationship is to help the other one develop – to be the best version of themselves. And that’s totally good.

But if all we focus on is our professional selves, we end up being fairly one-dimensional. There’s more to us than the person we are at work. That was true before you got married and it remains true today. So part of our role in the relationship is to help the other develop in other ways and I’m not just talking about diet and exercise. We’re called to help the other grow in their faith.

Now I know some people might say, “Whoa! That can’t be my role. That’s the priest’s job, right?” Often what’s behind this sort of comment is a lack confidence. I think there are a lot of men in particular who are quick to say that “faith” is not their department. It’s their wives who are the spiritual ones – the ones who get us to church – the ones who teach Sunday school. You can almost hear Isaiah’s protest from today’s first reading. “Woe is me, I am doomed! For I am a man of unclean lips…”, (Is 6:5). Or maybe we’re afraid of being embarrassed because of our life before marriage, so maybe our spouse will think we’re being hypocritical if we try to encourage their spiritual life. You can almost hear St. Paul in the second reading trying to justify his role in spreading the Good News. “For I am the least of the apostles, not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God,” (1 Cor 15:9).

Our resistance and even our discomfort is totally understandable. My experience is that many of us weren’t really taught how to share our faith. We feel awkward and uncomfortable talking about Jesus. We’re very good talking about our jobs or things happening at work. But talking about our faith? Holding hands – just the two of us – and praying together? That’s different.

Ok, let’s take a step back for a minute. Life can be messy and the way things turn out may not be what we had in mind when we were young and first dating. Maybe my spouse didn’t become widely successful and independently wealthy. Maybe I thought I’d be a stay-at-home parent, but our finances required me to go work. Maybe because I can’t enjoy some of the things my friends have or go on the kinds of trips they go on. Or maybe my spouse is always traveling for work and when they’re home they’ve got to do some important work-related networking, life golf, so they’re gone a significant percentage of the time. Maybe when they’re home they’re really not home because they’re focused on their computers or their smart phones. Maybe I am start to feel alone or that all the non-financial responsibilities, like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, all falls on me. Maybe I start to resent my spouse. Gradually, that idea, that emotion and be a wedge that creates a gap between us.

Then we find ourselves saying to our pastor or someone on the pastoral staff, “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into!”

Somewhere along the way, a couple might lose sight of their first call, the call we hear Jesus give today in the Gospel, to follow Him. They’re first call as a couple was to each other. Their call as a married couple is to help each other become what God made them to be which is first and foremost disciples. So, as we approach Valentine’s Day, I think this is a good opportunity for couples to pause and take a few minutes without any distractions and be present to each other. That means no cell phones, no TV, no smartwatches – nothing that might create a distraction. It’s important to spend time together to reconnect and stay on the path.

I don’t mean to oversimplify things. Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge the need as a couple to not only seek spiritual guidance, but professional help with a reputable Christian marriage and family therapist who values Christian marriage. We need to be open to do what we can to nurture our relationship so that we can to get our relationships back on track. Yes, that might be a little scary, especially if we’ve allowed things to really get out of hand – if we’ve convinced ourselves that divorce is the only logical option. But as Jesus tells Peter in today’s Gospel, “Do not be afraid,” (Lk 5:10). If we really believe – if we really believe that the Eucharist is the body, the blood, the soul and the divinity of Jesus, then we need to put our trust in Him. Jesus, I trust in you! That simple prayer of St. Faustina should always be on our lips.

Homework! Being nourished by the Eucharist and in the Word proclaimed, let’s work on these two points:

Think about your spouse or your significant other, whether they are alive or they’ve passed away, and pray for your them. Pray for God’s grace upon them.
Pray about the ways you can help each other be the people God made you to be.

If you find it difficult to pray for your spouse, that’s ok. I think that’s a sign that somethings wrong and that there is a need for healing and reconciliation. It’s never too late, and you are not alone. So take the opportunity to reach out to your spouse or reach out to someone on the pastoral staff or a reputable Christian marriage and family therapist who values Christian marriage to help you. Remember, answering “the call” starts in our own families. Do you got it? Good! May each of us come to know the mercy and the love of Jesus Christ. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. +Amen!

Tag: marriage

Trinity Sunday

17 I Didn’t Know What I was Getting Myself Into!

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